Customer 279

What is it about numbers that makes it so easy to separate name from biological entity. Sure we’re more easily categorized and organized but what do we stand to lose by lumping people into an anonymous box? This issue is a common pain point for inter-generational communication. Too often do we see the extremes and start placing those people in boxes that we never intend to open. Diversity got us here and made our species resilient to change so why do we sometimes use it to not speak to someone. Could they be crazy? Surely not everyone that fits a description that matches a commonly held stereotype should be cause for you to put your guard up. A bullet proof vest can reduce the likelihood of being injured or killed but going out in full SWAT gear isn’t exactly conducive to conversation.

I was at a Tim Hortons in Toronto today and was called customer 279 which I was to answer to in order to pick up my order. I think it’s a terrible nickname but I’m willing to take it for a test drive to see if it sticks. The anonymity of numbers is somehow convenient for short term relationships. How great would it be if instead of those introductions that we know are for the sake of politeness and have no potential for longevity adopted such a numbering system. “Hi I’m 279, nice to meet you 413, I hear you work as a commercial banker for 342.” You couldn’t be more impersonal in that situation but you could still accomplish the same net result of that type of conversation, right? Think of the power of repeating someone’s name you’ve just met has on that person. It shows you’ve cared enough to remember their name and are potentially interested in engaging that person in conversation. Why do businesses still insist on addressing you by your invoice or customer number rather than by name?

There is certainly strength in numbers but there is an inherent weakness in their ability to address character. Not all 279’s think or even act alike. If you haven’t already, get personal and invest in getting to know your customers, otherwise they’ll eventually leave you for someone who will.

Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome

While feet themselves are neither delicious or particularly high in nutrional value they can be harsh but effective medicine for the zealot. We’ve all had moments when we talk a little too enthusiastically and are a little too loose-lipped or divulge information that was not meant for public broadcast. The result is immediate embarassment, overwhelming regret, and a hyper-apologetic disposition on behalf of the messenger which I affectionately refer to as foot-in-mouth syndrome. The afflicted will exhibit signs of shock, emotional turmoil and depending on the comment a scowl or look that can kill.

The lesson here is to be mindful of what you say and be aware of the potential toxicity of your words. They carry more power than you would think. The experience of tasting your own foot is initially sour and depending on the relative state of repair may be extremely unappetizing but afterwards it can be taken as a lesson in humility. It’s easy to be self-righteous in a group of your peers but take a fish out of water and you may find yourself flopping around with no abound sympathy.

Wish I Could…

“Wish I could make it this weekend, I’m sure you’ll have fun without me” is my least favourite in my repertoire of available excuses. While it is intrinsically vain to cite myself a contributor or a net exporter of fun in this example, I digress. Am I so selfish as to examine the nature of potential events in terms of their relative utility or do I simply fail to realize the social utility of following through on your promises and being there when you know that someone is counting on you.

Some of the best times are the one’s that result in unexpected pleasantries. While I am discussing relationships between known friends, I’m sure that pleasantries with a stranger can have similar “sexy results” but that is a different story. Consider the impact left on someone when you chose to “not lose touch” with someone and make that long overdue phone call out of the blue. I’ve heard “she’s really busy so we don’t seem to talk anymore” too many times to ignore.

When we underestimate the outcome of a given event relative to another, do we stand to gain more by choosing to experience it? Can our expectations be an anchor we use to try to keep predicted and actual outcome in balance? If so should we aim to keep our expectations low and be serial pessimists? Surely not, since the negative ninny is less likely to receive the invitation in the first place. These questions are confusing but somehow don’t require answer since such nuances matter little when we strip away the experience and instead choose to cultivate the relationship.

Friends come and go, love will grow and may someday fade but the memory is kept and relived when you meet again. It’s the moments that count more than the summary of the experience, one makes for great biographies but the ever-elusive moment is more difficult to describe. Minimize regret, make the call and dial into something more powerful than your own selfish desires.

Wouldn’t You Agree?

Would you agree with me if I told you that most people are good people? That’s a tough question that would no doubt result in an epic debate and perhaps a few casualties. However, I find that when we frame a question with our own point of view, we are usually just looking for someone to stroke our ego. It seems that leaving your audience with only a yes or no response usually begs a positive response. To do otherwise could cause offense to the speaker or interrupt the speaker’s train of thought.

I am not arguing that to be objective we shouldn’t express our opinions but rather that we recognize the pitfalls of framing and seeking out affirmation. If you want a truthful opinion ask for it rather than confirm you own, since you may stand to benefit from a fresh perspective. You can also effectively alienate your audience by leaving no room for the dialogue to go both ways after which you may even observe disagreement in body language. If you haven’t yet I strongly recommend reading a book on the subject try my recommendation.

I suppose looking for confirmation has useful applications in business, especially in sales. The less room you leave for possible disagreement the more likely you are to impulse the customer and make the sale.

“So you want An air conditioner with at least 8,000 BTU’s and you want it to be energy efficient?”
(I am currently without so any AC seems likes good deal to me)

It’s tough to disagree with “sexy” attributes that are universal to most consumers. Just make sure you’re not missing out on the deterministic attributes that are specific to your needs as this could lead to buyer’s remorse in the form of cognitive dissonance. Be wary of this confirmation bias and recognize that it can lead you to overlook important details which could lead to a black swan event. Because at the end of the day we all just want to make the best decisions possible, right?

Stockholm Syndrome

Is there such a thing as being too nice? Perhaps, but then why don’t we call these people what they really are, pushovers; societies floor mats on which you can safely drudge your muddy boots onto and ass-kissers; a person devoid of self esteem and depends on validation from their peers to survive. Do you really need to be a dick to get ahead? No doubt confidence and the ability to be hard-nosed and stubborn can be means to your desired end but how many toes did you step on in that time and will your single victory be made at the cost of forfeiting personal relationships that could earn you repeat rewards and long term success?

Maybe you have been recently plagued with a bad bout of Stockholm Syndrome which is the tendency for hostages to feel empathy towards their captors and express positive sentiments regarding their character. You may endure intense psychological torture but when you’re brought a happy meal for dinner, suddenly you have a change of heart and get the feeling that they’re not so terrible after-all.

Your case may not be so extreme but being someone’s “bitch” and enduring pain and embarrassment for little reward could be mean you’re too nice or it may mean that you’ve been trapped. As captors we may do a little too much to show that we are “worth it” and go that extra mile to make a connection but isn’t compassion at the root of human nature? We can assume that we’re all inherently self interested but that would be dismissing the power of and overwhelming need we have for meaningful relationships. You shouldn’t just sit there and “take it”, voice your concerns but don’t become what you hate because you think that wearing your heart on your sleeve makes you vulnerable to abuse.

So if you’re one of those people that need to flaunt your cahones and take advantage of the little guy just think about how much improved both your lives would be if it weren’t built upon an exploitative relationship and remember how much I absolutely admire and adore you!