The Good, The Bad, and the Cheese

Cheese, they¹ say, is the cause for and solution to all of life’s problems. It’s impressive to think about all the happiness that the product of fermented milk has brought to all humankind. It has changed the way we experience our meat products; for some it serves well as an effective sandwich garnish or for those that must have cheese at point of contact there are cheese infused sausages and burgers. Some² say that too much cheese causes a person to gain weight while others³ say cheese has noticeable positive psychological and therapeutic effects by extending the joyful idealism associated of those that wish to some day pursue a healthy-active lifestyle. In this way cheese and problem solving have always been inextricably linked.

Some of my best and worst childhood memories involve cheese. My mother would often host Tupperware parties in order to elevate her social status in the “fresh-obsessed” mother segment in the marketplace. At this parties she would often make available a tray of Swiss Crackers and cheddar cheese. Indulging in these treats brought me happiness beyond the confines of this mortal world but it seems that all good things must come to end. I was forbidden from further snacks which were meant for guests. Following that, I fell into a cheese induced depression whereby I concluded that my mother clearly cared more for her guests than the proper nourishment of her own son. On that day I vowed that when I was afforded the freedom of choice that being of an adult allowed, I would consume a steady diet of cheese and crackers to get her back. I’m all grown up now and exist as a clear disappointment to my inner child, I voluntarily eat vegetables.

Cheese still exists very much in my life today. It is a necessary luxury, and an old friend that I refuse to lose touch with and as Gump would say “…and that’s all I really have to say about that.”

¹ they as they have been named here prefer not to be identified

² some as many call them are members of leading cheese coalition

³ others represents a 3^rd party consumer advocacy group that could not comment directly pending a cheese related lawsuit